Anger

Ok, this isn't a surprise to many, but I'm an angry person!  No, really. It got so bad after Jake was born that I started taking the largest dose of Effexor available. It really helped. I swear that is saved my marriage AND my life. I take things so personally. I get angry at the slightest provocation. And I can't let the anger go. It takes forever for it to go away and by then I've made everyone around me angry too.

A couple years ago, I ramped down off of Effexor and started Zoloft. This past year I have been taking only a half of the minimum dose every other day. Last week, I ran out and decided not to go in and get more. So here I am a week later. ANGRY! I explode with anger over anything and then take forever to stop. I feel out of control. Not true though, because I just thought of something. I don't explode at the people in front of me at the grocery store, or at the park. I only freak out on my children and my husband. The poor things. Then again, we are around each other 24/7. Right now I'm calming myself over the fact that they were all in the living room watching Twilight Zone while I slaved away making the beds back up after I had washed the sheets. Even medicated, I get angry about some things. The fact that I feel like I'm always working and everyone else gets a break. The other one is that my husband does not take into account my feelings on things. Right now, it is fireworks. I hate fireworks. Actually, I love them, but they are illegal in our city, but not in the next and he insists on buying them and lighting them in the yard or driving down the street and lighting them in front of someone else’s house. It causes me great stress. I just don't like it! Ok, there is no smiley for a tantrum! 

I'm starting to calm down. Maybe writing this out HAS helped! :) Yay! I really realized something back there for the first time. I do have control. I just choose not to use it in front of my family!